Ichi-go ichi-e (一期一会), is a Japanese idiom that is often translated as “for this time only,” “never again,” or “one chance in a lifetime.”
For the past couple of years, I feel like I've been moving without stopping to ask where I'm going. Working in tech makes it easy to feel that I should always be keeping up with the newest model or software. I don't think I can keep living like this. Every now and then, I want to pause and ask myself whether this is how I want to spend my life.
I've been saving some words to return to in an Are.na channel here. People in tech circles joke about software engineers wanting to leave everything behind and live on a farm. As I get older, I understand the appeal. In my case, I think about working in a coffee shop somewhere in remote Japan. I like the thought of seeing what my work does: food harvested and sold at a market, someone enjoying a cup of coffee I made.
Maybe what I'm missing is some human-to-human conversation. So much of my day is spent prompting in my bedroom that I've forgotten how to interact with other people (an exaggeration). I get nervous about meeting up with my friends (true). When I was younger, a job where I didn't have to talk to people every day sounded like the dream. I did end up there, working as a design engineer. Now I miss whiteboarding with someone, working through a problem together, having another person in the conversation instead of just my agent.
I've been thinking about what I want to do next. There are other kinds of work I'm curious about: print design, community relations, fashion PR. I think I would regret never exploring them. I'd like to give myself room to try while I'm still young and able to.
I only get one shot at this life, you know? I want to eat the foods I like, read the books I love, go to the places I've wanted to visit. I want to be there for those things without feeling that I need a photo for Instagram or a video for a reel, as if I'm supposed to turn myself into a micro-influencer. I want to spend my life in a way that feels like mine.
Since June, I've been taking little steps: walks without my phone, learning new songs on the piano and guitar, saying yes to events I would have skipped because I didn't have the energy to go outside. A lot of my best memories came from some of those events. I'm trying to see my friends more often. Our book club has helped; it brings together two of my favourite things, reading and visiting nice coffee shops here in Vancouver.
I think about 一期一会 as a reminder to pay attention to the life I'm already in. I don't think we all need to be racing to build the next big intelligence product. Slow down. Look at the sky. Smell the flowers. When was the last time you looked up from your computer?